


Simon's New Year's Resolution

by Apieceofpaper, come_on_eileen



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Blind Date, Cooking, Curry, Donuts, M/M, Popcorn, Ramen, Vegetarians & Vegans, YouTube, cinema date
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-29
Updated: 2017-05-05
Packaged: 2018-09-20 17:34:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9502619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Apieceofpaper/pseuds/Apieceofpaper, https://archiveofourown.org/users/come_on_eileen/pseuds/come_on_eileen
Summary: It all started with Ramen and Simon’s New Year’s Resolution. Which turned into the YouTube channel obsession. Which probably won't end with anything good, except for a worst movie night date ever.





	1. Chapter 1

Simon

It all started two weeks ago with my New Year's resolution. I’ve promised my roommate Penny that I will finally learn how to cook. And what was the best place to start? Of course, it’s YouTube.

Quick note about my all-time favourite food list:

  1. Sour Cherry Scones (forever top, no comments)
  2. Ramen (Thanks to Penny’s Mom who introduced us to its greatness few years ago)
  3. Curry! (because who doesn’t like Curry anyway?).



Obviously I cannot start learning cooking with my Number One, it’s too dangerous to spoil Sour Cherry Scones holiness with my unprofessional approach. So I decided to steak with two other options instead and started by typing in the search field “How to cook Ramen or Curry for someone who could not cook at all” (I know I am the master of great Google search requests, sometimes I might even publish a book of the topic).

After a few millions of boring results and hours wasted in different kinds of internet rabbit holes (guilty!) I finally found the most epic YouTube channel ever. First video I clicked was a cooking video and I was immediately impressed by the whole concept and how unique it was. The shooting angle, close-up frames, the minimalistic touch. I mean, he totally took chopping vegetables process to a fucking new level.

He never films himself though and you can never hear his voice. There is only a close focus on food with natural sounds of cooking, such as chopping, opening packages and pouring water.

And don’t even get me started about the typography used in videos, it’s just so hip and in place. I am a bit a typography freak, so the stylish type is the shortest way to win my heart. And the food of course. Is it possible to be a fan of a vegan food channel if you are not even a vegetarian?

You know that feeling, when you click on first video, then another, and then you are stalking the whole timeline till the beginning of time. It was not all about cooking though. The moment I saw a video of him playing a violin I almost had a heart attack and pressed “Subscribe” immediately. I was never the big fan of classic music, but _holy shit,_ _this guy._

Eventually I hit the end of his timeline. I knew I reached the point when I was in desperate need to know _everything_ about him. Lucky me, his very first video was my reward. Meaning it was him talking to a webcam. Actually telling things about himself.

First he told how he became vegan and how much it meant to him, and how it inspired him to make a this cooking channel. Then he focused a camera on a bookshelf and took a notebook.

“Nothing special, but if you wanna stick around I should probably read you this.” He made a small pause while opening his notebook.

_“Be careful, you are not in wonderland_

_I have heard the strange madness long growing in your soul_

_But you are fortunate in your ignorance_

_In your isolation_

_You who have suffered_

_Find where love hides_

_Give, share, lose_

_Lest we die, unbloomed.”_

He read the poem as he didn’t care, but I knew he did. Despite the dull tone of his voice I felt every word hitting the very edge of my heart. I knew that very moment that I was doomed to fall for him, whoever he might be.

There was one catch though. I could never see his face quite right on any of the videos. The cooking videos had just food images and when he played violin he always stood in a far-away corner on his room. And on special issue videos his whole face was hidden in the shadow.

But he just _has to be_ cute, right?

I went into pro stalking mode, googled every vegan place that he linked to his videos and figured out that we live in the same city. It only made things worse, because it gave me some hope.

I tried to have a few meaningful discussions with Penny about how he might actually look like, but it absolutely didn’t end well. I guess I was so obsessed with this channel for last few weeks that even Penny lost her patience. Finally, when I made her re-watch one of my favourite violin videos for the tenth time, she said she doesn't wanna hear about any of my internet crushes until I will serve her the actual bowl of hot homemade Ramen. But who cares about Ramen when you have an internet crush?

Ok, let's fast forward to the more recent events. This very evening, he uploaded a video and it was a _special issue_. I was so excited, I honestly had to close my eyes for a moment and take a deep breath before pressing the “Play” button.

The video started with him confessing that he is “a bit out of place recently” and then there was story about him accidentally caught someone’s eyes, and though it obviously didn’t mean anything he still spent half of the day thinking about that and the other half thinking that he should really spend more time outside with _real_ people, not just his YouTube followers. (And I was like, please don’t do that, please just hang out in front of your webcam _forever_.)

I didn’t see his face, but his voice sounded even more blank than usual. He mentioned that it is a stupid idea anyway. And then he sighed and said that maybe he should still give it a try. And then he said that there is some kind of a movie festival this weekend and if anyone wanna come with him (which he highly doubts) they can meet him outside cinema before the start.

“Please look for a strange looking guy in glasses and in a black jacket.” He paused.

“And in black jeans. And in black shirt” then he smirked a bit. “But who am kidding, everybody will look like _that_ there. So just look for this ugly fuck.”

He turned his camera so that his face was focused more clearly and I almost fell from my chair.

 _Of course,_ he was cute. Like smart guy in cool glasses cute. I even caught a glimpse of his grey eyes before he shrugged, stood up and then the video was over.

“Penny, Penny, do you know anything about a movie festival this weekend?” I rushed into Penny’s room in full speed, barely stopping in front of her desk. It’s just that she usually knows about such kind of stuff, she is a bit of a movie freak.

“Ok, since when do you care about Godard retrospective?” She gave me a suspicious look from behind her glasses.

“Who is Godard? Is he some black and white era actor?” I asked virginally because with Penny you should never worry about being judged based on a fact that you don’t know some guy with a weird surname.

“He is a French director.” She explained patiently. “And he is awesome. But probably not something that you would like.”

I rolled my eyes. The fact that I cried during Frozen and re-watched “Fantastic Beasts and where to find them” five times totally doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t like some hip French director.

“Well, let us see.” I took my phone and googled “Can you like Godard if you like Frozen?” and slipped the screen under Penny’s nose. “For somebody named Jean-Luc this French director totally looks cute in these black and white pictures. You know I love people in glasses.”

Penny smiled a bit and gave me a suspicious look.

“Wait, you look too excited. Is it something about this Ramen guy?” She asked innocently, and as I blushed she started to laughing. “God, Simon, you are so _obvious_!”

“Ok, I know you said, to stop being so obsessed, but you just have to see this video.” I tapped the YouTube icon on my phone and navigated to my history just to find out, that the video I was so excited about was deleted. Aka lost forever. Aka my life is over. I blinked a few time in disbelief.

“What?” Penny asked.

“He just deleted it. He just deleted the video, where he showed his face and then asked _me_ out.” I see Penny’s round eyes and her attempt to not to laugh out loud.

“What are you gonna do? Will you go anyway?” She asked instead, because she is literally the best human being ever.

“Probably not.” I shrugged and went to my room.

I wanted to make a pro and con list about meeting him, but ended up drawing a small comic instead. With a boy practicing his violin all night long. And then the morning comes, and he goes to his window to watch the sunrise. The sun in too bright, so he squints. And then he just closes the curtains and goes back to dark again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The poem is from the movie "Kill your darlings", thanks to Apieceofpaper for suggesting. It's perfect for Baz channel!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first fic I have ever written, so it might not be up to scratch yet. I really hope you enjoy it!

Baz

‘Delete video?’ I tap the screen.  
‘Video successfully deleted.’  
Why, why did I feel the need to post that? Who do I think I am, posting videos about _myself? _No one actually cares about me, Father made that clear last time we spoke, about how useless I was, wasting his money like that. But, it’s fine, right? I deleted the video, no one is going to come and even if they did see the video they certainly wouldn’t take time out of their daily activities to visit me.__

__Argh, I’m such a fucking idiot! Why did I even think about posting that? No one watches me for me, they watch my channel for my recipes or my violin music.  
They don’t actually care about my lifestyle, I’m just there to provide entertainment. But what if someone does, what if they arrive, what if someone actually cares?_ _

__Shit. My phone is ringing. I look at the caller ID. It’s my Father. I shouldn’t be shocked as I’ve been waiting for this, but it’s mockingly sweet tone haunts me. I pick it up, ready for the onslaught._ _

___‘Basilton Pitch, who the fuck do you think you are. Wasting my money, ruining my reputation. You had one chance. One fucking chance, and what did you do? That’s right, you failed. And quite miserably if I remember correctly. Do you even know who I am? Are you even listening? No of course you’re not. You’re far too clever to need to know all this, aren’t you? You are such a waste of money! I don’t even know why I bother.’ ____ _

____A voice shrieks at me whilst I sit, shaking slightly. Even to this day as a 20 year-old I’m still _petrified _of his voice. I sit there silently fuming whilst he verbally attacks me. When I hear the phone call end, I take a long shaky breath.___ _ _ _

______His scornful voice repeats round and round my head, almost like a mantra. _‘who the fuck do you think you are?’ _I know he’s right. Who the fuck do I think I am? I am the most unimportant person on the earth. All I have in my chemistry and my YouTube, and what use are they?___ _ _ _ _ _

________I suddenly notice the clock on my phone. It’s 8:30. The time I said I would be there at the cinema. I jump up off of my bed and rush to get ready. “Shit” I yelp as I stub my toe hurrying to put my jacket and shoes on at the same time. I fling myself out of my house and jump in my car to speed off. I’m only going to see if anyone’s there, why am I so panicked that I’m late? I know no one’s going to come. Are they?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________***  
As I wait there, outside the cinema, I start to seriously question my sanity. No one’s going to come. I should have worked that out by now. So why am I standing here?! I checked my phone, it reads ‘8:55’. It’s only 5 minutes until the show starts. I start to head inside, when something stops me in my tracks. A voice, rather deep and husky like the speaker has a cold, but a voice nonetheless, shouting “Hey, wait up! Please stop!”. Why would someone be shouting at me? Then it hits me like a dart. Someone has arrived. Someone saw _that _video.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________The sound of plastic wheels on concrete hits my ears even before I’ve properly turned around. When I have completed the full 180 degrees turn, I wish I could just turn straight back around again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________There is a boy, or is he a man? Nope, with a jacket like that, he’s certainly a boy. No self-respecting adult wears a jacket like that. Anyway, there is a boy, with a thatch of honeyed hair half covered with a knitted rainbow beanie. His paint splattered t-shirt with a picture of the Theory of Evolution on it and some unintelligible words. I squint to get a better look and the squiggles read ‘stop following me, I’m a creationist!’ I continue my path and am stopped by his chartreuse puffa jacket, with a fluffy hood. Honestly, how old is this boy? His baggy ripped jeans and bumblebee yellow trainers finish off this ‘look’._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“W-who are you? I blurt out._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Simon, Simon Snow!” he responded “you asked me to come? Well not me personally, but you get what I mean.” He holds out his ink-stained hand. He waits there, maybe for me to introduce myself, I’m not sure._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________I decline his hand and decide to have a closer look at his face. He stands there awkwardly whilst I stare at him. Hiding under his, can you even call that hair, are the oddest eyes I’ve ever seen. They are completely unremarkable, yet they draw me in and make me feel as though he now knows every thought I ever had. I look down his face. He has a strong nose with a slight kink in it, previously broken? His cheeks are sprinkled abundantly with freckles. His lips are plump and blush coloured. They are beautiful._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________What the fuck. Baz, get a fucking grip! He’s a complete weirdo who you’ve never met before! And suddenly I realise, I’ve been dumbly starting at him for the past five minutes. Shit._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Ummm, ok well, shall we go inside then?” I stammer out. Get a grip Basilton!  
“Yeah, cool!” he exclaims. “Wait, I need somewhere to put my skateboard.” I glance at his method of transport disdainfully. “Well Snow, since most people arrive by normal method of transport, they won’t have a specific skateboard rack, so you’ll just have to bring it with you.” I spit at him. “Oh, ok then” he replies. “Shall we go then?” he asks. “I guess so”. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Well, this is going to be fun._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	3. Chapter 3

Simon

The moment I threw my comic into my backpack I knew that there was no turning back. I just had to go there and meet him. I couldn't stand the thought that someone as sensitive and nice as my internet crush would wait there alone for somebody to come and how it might hurt him if nobody did. That was my final argument I swear, not the fact that I was dying to see those grey eyes again.

I was running out of time, so I ended up putting the most random clothes on. To be honest it’s not like I do things differently other days (mainly because everything I own is fabulous and pieces match with each other perfectly).

“Ok, if Ramen guy will turns to be a total freak, just give me a call and I will come and save you. And don't forget to text me _everyfucking_ detail, alright?” Penny winked at me as I grabbed my skateboard on the way out. I nodded and almost walked through the doorway when she pulled me by my sleeve. “But, Simon, seriously, just remember that no fucking way this guy is better than you are, ok?” She gave me a serious look. “You are a fucking prince and I will kill him if he treats you any other way.”

 

***

 

I had to repeat Penny’s words over and over in my head as I tried to stop my heart from pounding while I was searching the crowd for him. I tried to convince myself with the usual, what do I have to lose anyway?

It turned out _a lot_.

Of course I was too excited, of course I blurted out all the wrong things. And him, of course he was cool. I don’t even remember what I said exactly during first few minutes. I just remember that I couldn’t stop myself from staring at him all the time.

It totally was like meeting your internet crush for the first time. Like realizing that the person you pictured so many times before, looks exactly like you thought he would. Except he was a bit taller, his hair was a bit darker and his glasses were missing.

To be honest, when I pictured this scene I hoped that he would shake my hand back. But it’s ok. He is nervous, I get it. The moment I saw his serious grey eyes and his mouth tighten in one strict line I realized that Simon Snow is on mission tonight. I just have to make this cold distant guy smile.

Finally, I ended up in the cinema hall, trying to squeeze my skateboard into my backpack, while the Ramen guy (Penny get out from my head!) was standing above me not saying a word, but obviously looking totally irritated. I know, it is a bit disgusting to put a dirty skateboard into a backpack, but you have to pay a price to ride this baby. The pack was almost empty anyway, I just had to pull out my comic, awkwardly trying to hide it in some of my pockets.

“Let us try one more time. I am Simon. And your name is?”  I finally finished and stood up. This time I didn’t give him my hand, too embarrassed to face his indifference again, plus my hands were a bit dirty after packing anyway.

“Baz.” He throws over his shoulder already making his way ahead.

“Wait!” He didn’t slow down, so I had to rush to catch up. The fast walking really stresses me out and when I am stressed out I do the most stupid things. Like handing my comic to a total stranger. “I’ve got something for you.”

“What is it?” He frowned taking folded paper from my hands.

“Well, it’s nothing, really. You don't have to look now.” I blushed realizing  that it was a stupid thing to say. Of course, he wasn’t even bothered to look closer, just impatiently shoved it in behind pocket of his jeans.

“Can we go buy tickets now?” He said, but I already spared a second to pull him into a popcorn line. Which wasn’t even a line at all, because nobody was there. Guess all these Jean Luc Godard fans are not really into whole popcorn thing. Which is kind of strange, aren’t you supposed to have extra carbs to get yourself through a black and white two hour movie?

“A big sweet popcorn and Pepsi, please” I said to a salesman, and even him seemed surprised with my impudence. I wonder if people _ever_ buy popcorn in this cinema.

“Isn’t it just the best job in the world?” I smiled to Baz. “I mean, you hang out all day long in a cinema, having the best food lying just all around you.”

“I really don’t wanna know what kind of life you are living, if you consider this job fun.” He said it in the same annoyed tone, but at least it was something besides “Can we go now” catch phrase. “And your hands are still dirty.” He added just to keep the mood.

“Ok, hold this, I will be back in a minute.” Before he could react, I passed him my beverages and slapped him on a shoulder. “Two minutes, tops. I just have to wash my hands. I promise I would buy us tickets.”

I speared a minute to text Penny from a bathroom. _“Not freak! A bit grumpy though. Working on him with some Simon magic.”_

It was so funny checking him out on my way back. Just a few days ago, he was some internet guy, distant and mysterious and now he was this _cute guy_ standing in a cinema hall, waiting for _me_ , holding _my_ Pepsi and popcorn. (Also shooting furious looks in my direction). It was such a comic scene that I just had to stop and do a quick mental sketch in my head.

“Where. Have. You. Been. The movie started a minute ago.” He almost threw the popcorn back at me.

“Relax. First fifteen minutes are trailers anyway.” I made a swirl sound taking a gulp of my Pepsi (there is no point in drinking soda other way, right?) “Better tell me everything about the movie.”

“You don’t know what movie it is, great. Why are you even here?” Baz sighed.

“Well you see I promised my friend Penny to make a Ramen bowl. So, I was hoping maybe to ask you how to do it.”

“That’s just plain stupid.” Baz frowned. “You realize, that Ramen is not even vegan, right?”

I shrugged, blushing a bit. Maybe, just maybe he is not _that_ sensitive after all.

“And I like movies!” (Why am I even defending myself in front of him?)

“What is your favourite movie then?” Baz gave me a suspicious look.

“Well, I kind of like ‘Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them’ now. Watched them a _few_ times recently.” I gave out an awkward smile. “Have you seen it?”

“No.” He said sharply and then sighed and added as a verdict. “Harry Potter fan then.”

“Yes!” I answered proudly, happy that we are having finally some kind of a meaningful conversation. Which made me feel a bit more comfortable with myself.

“There was actually one more reason why I came. I thought that Jean Luc looks cute in his glasses.” I made pause. “And I decided to go check him out. But now I see that he doesn’t wear them all the time.” For the first time I almost believed that Baz lost his grip, I mean he even blinked once and then looked down.

I caught a short moment of his confusion to put my Pepsi away and grabbed him around his shoulders with one hand, stretching other one with a phone.

“Selfie time!” I shout and took a picture before Baz realized what was happening and pushed me furiously away. I mean it was a real push, I even had to take a few steps back trying not to fall down.

Next moment he started walking away, not even looking in my direction, but I was fast enough to catch him by the hand. His whole body tensed when he felt my touch. He made a full turn in my direction, pulling his arm away almost immediately.

“Look, I don't like you. I don’t like anything about you. I don’t like your clothes, your skateboard and your fucking _popcorn._ I don't know who are you, but it seems that you are just one of those freaks that stalk other people’s life. And don't even consider taking any more pictures with your fucking phone. You got me?” Suddenly he was pressing my shoulders against the wall with both of his hands.

“You got me?” He repeated.

I froze trying to swallow his words, to give them some explanation, except for the fact that Baz wasn't that nice after all. But the magic disappeared. He wasn't smiling and I realized that he won't smile at anything I say, ever. The only thing I could do was push him away and hope that at least the movie won't be that bad.

“Come on, let's go.” I said, but he already moved forward, leaving me behind.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhh!! I'm alive!!  
> so, apologies for the EXTREMELY LATE chapter! last week I had my school production so couldn't write anything for the whole week!! It was very annoying. but, I'm back with a new chapter! Hope you enjoy it!!

Baz  
“Come on, let’s go” he says gloomily, but I’ve already left.

  
I can hear him hurrying along beside me, trying to catch up with my long legs, but his are too small, so he falls behind quickly. I pass through the cinema doors, muttering angrily under my breath. I head towards the screen room, ignoring his oddly high-pitched pleading tones, until I feel his arm on my shoulder again stopping me in my tracks.  
“Fucks sakes, I told you to stop touching me!” I scream at who I thought was Snow. Turns out it was the ticket master telling me I’d forgotten to check my ticket. I quickly showed her my ticket, whilst hopping from one foot to the other impatiently.

  
I quickly apologies to her “Oops sorry, I thought you were someone else!” and she chucks my ticket back to me then huffs off, clearly annoyed. I start to walk after her to properly apologise when I realise I can’t see Snow.

  
I walk into the screen room, hoping Snow might be in here. Brilliant. The film has already started, and he’s not in here. I start to search for him but he is no-where to be found. I check my phone; the film has been on for five minutes now. Where could he be? I am not degrading myself to calling his name, I would never do that and I’m in the screen room so, I would be murdered for even speaking. Just as I am about to give up, I hear a loud bang coming from the doors. I turn around and see Snow, stuck in the screen doors.  
Yes, stuck. His skate-board, is wedged between the doors, stopping him from proceeding. I can hear his plight and quickly rush over to stop him from embarrassing me anymore.

“What the hell Snow? What do you think you’re doing?” I harshly whisper at him. “Well Baz, as you can probably tell I have gotten stuck, because someone wouldn’t let me leave my skate-board anywhere but whatever can I have some help please?  
He yelps as I roughly pull him free. I drag him along to the ticket master and we finally get through the booth and into the correct screen. I push him to his seat, ignoring the blatant stares from everyone else in the cinema.

  
Luckily, we haven’t missed too much. I sit down next to him, just missing the large bag of popcorn he bought, and see him staring at the screen, with a look of amazement on his face. I chuckle slightly at his wonder before I turn to face the screen as well.  
We are watching ‘Bande a part’ one of my favourites. Simon is surprisingly quiet once we sit down. He moves as little as possible and I start to get a little bit worried. I wonder if he is intentionally trying not to touch me. I look over at him, and he seems to be fine but I’m still scared. For the admittedly short time I have known him for, he has never been this quiet before. Was it something I said? I look over at him for the fourth time in twenty minutes and I see he is surreptitiously using his phone. Oh, that’s why he was being so silent. All that time I spend worrying about him and he was just playing on his phone.  
I lean over a bit to tell him to get off it, we are in the middle of a film he wanted to see for fucks sake, but I suddenly stop. Instead of the expected game screen, I see a text thread.

_To: (insertwittynamehere)  
Jean-Luc is great!!! why haven’t you told me about him before, we should like watch all of his films!_

I’m not really into the whole snooping in on other people’s texts, but he hasn’t turned his brightness down, so the screen is blaringly obvious. I’m genuinely surprised, I never thought he’d show an interest in ‘French New Wave’. He turns back to the screen, fortunately missing my glances as he’s too involved in the actions on the screen at the time. Then, when the famous dance scene appears on screen, I see him reach for his phone once again.

_To: (insertwittynamehere)  
Pennnnyyy!! they’re dancing and it is the dorkiest thing i’ve ever seen!!_

Penny? Is that his girlfriend? I don’t care, obviously, but it would be easier to talk to me, instead of texting his girlfriend. But no, he keeps sending messages, ignoring me completely.

  
Finally, when the main characters run through the Lourve, holding hands, I see Snow slowly turn so he is facing me. He opens his mouth, and I see the excitement in his eyes, his utter wonderment. I wait for the rush of words, but they never come. The excitement in his eyes has disappeared, and he turns back to the screen once again.  
I feel an unfamiliar sense of disappointment. I’m confused as to why though, it’s not like I care if he talks to me again in the first place, is it? I suddenly remember his ridiculous attempt at conversation with me, and as stupid as I thought it was then, I realise I kind of miss it. I feel rejected that he doesn’t even want to speak to me.

  
The film is almost over, only ten minutes to go, and I certainly have not been sneaking glances at Simon for the remaining time and when did he become Simon? When did I make a conscious decision to call him by his given name? I turn back to the screen and just manage to see the last couple of seconds before the screen goes black and he lights come back on. I turn to Simon Snow to ask for his opinion on the film, but he’s talking to the person seated next to him who he doesn’t even know and even worse, they seem to be flirting? I feel vaguely upset that he would rather talk to a stranger than me. Feeling reckless, I grab his arm and pull him up from his seat. “Sorry, but me and my friend are leaving now, it was lovely to meet you” I say in a saccharine tone without looking at the stranger. Luckily, he seems to get the hint and him and Snow exchange goodbyes.

I drag Snow down the stairs and out of the screen room ignoring Snows protests. Surprisingly we make it outside with little damage to either of us. He grabs his arm from my tight grip and turns around to face me. He is livid. His hair is all messed up, looking like he just woke up. He starts to whisper furiously at me, trying his hardest to keep the volume down, but struggling. He suddenly stops and freezes. His face flashes with too many emotions and finally settles on distaste, and is that anxiety? I realise he is not looking at me but behind me. I turn around and I’m met with a shockingly beautiful man. He has pale blond hair, a little longer than normal and the palest blue eyes I’ve ever seen. So fucking alluring. He’s dressed smartly and I can’t see a single hair out of place. He is smirking, a look which really suits him, but he’s not looking at me, instead at the man behind me.  
I step back, sensing the tension and hear Snow hiss _“Augustus.”_


	5. Chapter 5

Simon

 _Augustus._ Indeed, you should have my luck to bump into to your ex while someone is dragging you by your hand and screaming at you. Just when I thought this evening couldn’t get any worse.

“Simon.” Augustus says casually. As if it is totally ok to see me after six months for the first time. “You look… _nice_.”

I shudder and make a desperate attempt to comb my hair with my hands. I don’t tell him he looks handsome. I know it, he knows it, everybody around knows it perfectly well.

Even Baz seems to be swept away by his beauty. _Stop fucking staring at him,_ I think. I give Baz an angry look, partly because he is the reason I looked so ridiculous and unprepared to meet my ex, and partly because I can't believe that Augustus’s appearance works on him the way it works on anybody else.

“You look… tanned.” I replayed finally. “Did you come back from California already?” Augustus shrugs, like it was obvious. After that there is nothing more left to say. He just keeps staring at me, making the uncomfortable pause longer and longer.

“Well, since you’ve met your _friend_ , I guess I should go.” I hear Baz saying at last.

“Wait!” I almost scream desperately trying to make an eye contact with him. “Do you remember that thing, that we were supposed to do?”

“That _thing_?” Baz raises his eyebrow. Then he looks at Augustus and back at me again. Something in his eyes changes. “I guess we were supposed to have coffee.” He says after a pause and my heart shrieks with gratitude. He doesn't say anything else, just turns his back and starts walking away. I don’t have much choice, but to follow him, so I wave at Augustus and follow Baz as fast as I can.

Of course, it is annoying to watch somebody's back, while trying to keep up, but at least he is moving toward the exit and that is ok with me. The sooner I get out of here, the better. I really wish I could magically _apparate_ to my room right now, order pizza (not vegan! hah!) and try to imagine this whole evening never happened.

Just when we almost reach the exit, Baz suddenly stops, so that I awkwardly bump into his back. There is a small cinema cafeteria on the right and I have this crazy thought that he is considering having coffee with me _for real_.

“I thought you were joking about the whole thing.” I give him a surprised look, but he is already near the counter making an order.

“One black coffee, please.” He says to the barista, then pauses, turns his head and raises his eyebrow at me.

“What do you want?” He asks, but I just stay near the exit. I can’t believe that he actually wants to get coffee with me. I mean, a guy like him would never take a quick run to grab a coffee from a shitty cinema cafe on the way out. First of all, he totally looks like somebody who has an expensive Italian espresso coffee machine in his kitchen, and secondly I know this for a fact because he made a whole video about it once.

“Ok, two black coffees then.” Baz finally says giving up waiting on my response. He passes the money and leans over the wall watching the barista making our drinks. I come closer and stand beside him. I don't wanna say a word and he is silent too. Finally, the coffee is ready and Baz passes me the paper cup, then puts his on the table not even bothering to give it a try.

What the hell, I think, and take a large gulp. The coffee is indeed hot and terrible. And Baz’s ironic look doesn’t help me feel better at all.

“I bet it's disgusting.” He breaks the silence at last.

“No, it's ok.” I take another gulp and frown. I’m wondering if he might ask about Augustus, but the doesn’t.

“Did you like the movie?” Baz asks instead.

“ _No._ ” I say just in spite and make my grip tighter around the coffee cup.

“What, not even the dance?” He raises his eyebrow and I hate him for playing that card. Of course, I liked the dance, I mean, _come on_.

“It was ok, I guess.” I shrug giving him a careful look. What is he trying to do here? Buying me coffee, creating some kind of a small talk, _ridiculous_.

“And the running through Louvre, that scene. Did you know that Bertolucci used it later in his movie ‘The Dreamers’?” He continues and I wonder once again, is he really trying to have a _conversation_ with me?

“Ok, ok I liked the Louvre scene” I surrender. “But I don't know anything about Bertolucci. Harry Potter fan, remember?”

“But you know, what Louvre is, right?” He smirks and I feel irritated (a feeling I am almost getting used to).

“Yes, I know what Louvre is. Because I actually been there. During my summer art program in France. And I am not so retarded as you probably think I am, and I don't even know why am I defending myself and…”

“Did you meet _him_ there, in France?” Baz gives me a careful look and I blush. Of course, where else could a guy like me meet someone like Augustus.

“Yes, we were together on that program. But he wasn’t like me. He hated art. It was his parents, who made him do it. So eventually he just decided to stop. Gave everything up and moved to California. Leaving me behind.”

“Leaving you behind.” Baz repeats my words with some new intonation and I just shrug.

“After that there was nothing more left to do. I failed my exams. I was too heartbroken to care about studying anyway. So I just came back, found shitty job, because you know, you have to pay the bills.” I take another gulp of terrible coffee and for the first time during this evening I fell a bit better. “Have you been to France?” I ask Baz after a pause.

“Went there on vacation with my dad and stepmom once.” Baz says. “Mostly stayed in the hotel and read books.” I snort, because it is exactly the kind of thing I imagined him doing on his vacation.

“What?” He raises his eyebrow. “It was a nice hotel.” But I just smile. I want to say something more just to keep this conversation going, but Baz's phone rings and he raises his hand, interrupting me offhandedly.

“Just a minute.” He picks up his phone and turns away, once again letting me watch his back. “No. _No_. I am not wasting my time, _again_.” I hear him saying and take a few steps back, giving him some privacy. There is nothing else to do, so I go to the counter and order some food. But even from a distance I still hear his angry remarks while somebody on the other end seems to be giving him a long speech.

I am holding a hot dog when I go back to our table. Just in time to hear the last words of Baz’s conversation.

“Fuck you.” He strains through his teeth at his phone after hanging up.

“Who was that?” I ask Baz, who didn't even seem to notice me, staring blankly into space behind my back.

“ _Nobody._ ” He says and shoots me a short look. “My father. A dick.”

“Did something happen?” I ask carefully, trying to process the fact that Baz was screaming at his dad.

“Just another routine evening check.” He shrugs and finally focuses his look on me. On my hot dog. On me again. I freeze inside, considering, probably too late, that I should have bought something else.

“What the fuck. Are you acting disgusting on purpose or is it you natural behaviour?” Before I can react, he grabs my hot dog and throws it in the trash.

 _Thank you, Baz’s Dad,_ I think, _for ruining this evening once again._

“Hey, you owe me for that!” I say.

“I don’t owe you anything.” Baz replies. “Come on, let's go.” He proceeds towards the exit leaving me staring on his untouched coffee cup. I was irritated before, but now I am just generally angry. Of course, it's not nice to eat a hot dog in front of a vegan person and maybe his father really was a dick, but anyway. This time I run out of excuses for his arrogant behaviour. I just feel tired. Wishing more than ever to be home and never ever have to deal with him again.

When I walk out onto the cold street I see Baz leaning over some very expensive car. I am not a car man exactly, but it just looks that way. _Very expensive._ Of course he has _that_ kind of a car. Pieces come together. He is just some rich kid, acting spoiled, the way all rich kids do.

“Do you wanna a ride?” He asks in a bored tone and I think _no way I am getting into that car._ And then, _no way he really wants me to get there._ There is a question in his eyes, but I am not sure if it’s about the ride or something else. Something that none of us is brave enough to talk about.

I catch his glance and say very carefully, word by word, as if there is a cliff after each one, “Remember, you asked before why I decided to come here tonight?”

I know that I have to tell him this one last thing. Before he would get into his car, before he would shut the door, before he would drive away. Before I face the hard fact that I will never see him again.

“I asked if you wanna a ride. But never-mind, I wouldn’t let you get in my car with that thing in your backpack anyway.” Baz points out. “And as for the reason why you came here, does it even matter at this point?”

I roll my eyes. I never knew that talking to someone might be that hard. “It does. Let me finish, ok?” I take a deep breath. “The thing is, deep down I knew I wasn’t brave enough to approach you anyway. But also, I knew that I didn’t want you to spend this evening alone. I had this plan to come and check up on you. Just in case.”

“So I was right.” Baz interrupts in an ice cold voice. “You were fucking stalking me.”

“I thought it’s important to you, to know that at least somebody came. At first I was happy that it was only me. I thought, I had a _chance_. But then I understood that if it really was somebody else, not me, the whole thing might actually turn out to be fun for you.”

“It _might_.” Baz gives me a strange look, hard to interpret.

“And no, I don’t need a ride. I have my own ride, remember?”

“Oh.” Baz narrows his eyes. “Is your skateboard a part of your artistic look? Because otherwise you don't look like an artist at all.” He sends a long scrolling look from my head to toes and back again, finally stopping on my face. “Maybe it’s your clothes. Maybe your general behaviour. But you look more like a clown to me.”

It hurts, it hurts so much. I say, “I wish your channel was more popular. So that someone would actually show up and I would never have had to spend this evening with you.”

Baz stays still for few seconds. Then he opens the door of his car and slips in. He stares in front of himself for a few long seconds before starting the engine and driving off, leaving me alone on a cold dark street.

I stand there, heart pumping not in my chest, but somewhere behind my eyes. Fuck you, internet, to provide the crushes that never, ever end well. Fuck you, whole world to be the way you are.

There is one last thing I have to do. I take my phone, tap on the YouTube icon, and navigate to Baz’s channel. In a second, I hit the “Unsubscribe” button and give out a long, disappointed sigh.

“Hey.” I feel someone’s hand on my shoulder. I turn just to face Augustus, standing behind my back. He is perfect as always, his hair silver blonde in the moonlight, his eyes calm and friendly. “I am glad I ran into you. _Again_.” He says.

Then he gives me one long look. “Don't be so sad.”

“I’m not sad.” I say defensively, but he just puts a hand around my shoulder. It is different with him. It is _safe_.

“I love your jacket, by the way.” He says warmly and smiles. He reaches over and, catching me off guard, hugs me tightly.

“Thanks” I murmur in his shoulder, glad for the warmth his body is giving off.

“You don’t deserve to be sad Simon, you are too good for that” he tells me and I wish I could believe him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok guys, I know! I really wish Simon would get in the car with Baz!  
> But to make everything less bitter here are the scenes from the movie that they were discussing. Enjoy!
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1MKUJN7vUk  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKKxojKNqRE


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies, for the almost month long wait!! I have my exams coming up again, so am extremely busy.   
> Once again, thanks to everyone who has left kudos or commented! it's nice to see people have stuck with this.  
> Anyway, hope you enjoy the chapter!

Baz   
“Oh.” _Don’t start. _I sneered “Is your skateboard a part of your artistic look? Because otherwise you don't look like an artist at all.” _Stop Baz, you don’t mean this _“or maybe it’s your clothes. Maybe your general behaviour.” _Stop! You’ll end up hurting him, just like you always do. _“But you look more like a clown to me.”______

______“I wish your channel was more popular.” _So do I. _“So that someone would actually show up and I would never have had to spend this evening with you.” _You don’t actually mean that, do you?____ _ _ _ _ _

__________I left after that. I couldn’t bear to see his face, painted with disappointment. I ran away. Just like a coward, hiding in my fancy car, with its fancy seats. I open the door and thud down in the driver’s seat. I stare at the sky, anything to take my mind off _him. _Then I did it. I left. I left him alone on a cold street, with a fucking skateboard to take him home. Why do I do this? Push everyone away, even when it’s clear they’re trying to help? I keep riding, speeding along. Just breaking the speed limit. I drive until I’m off the main road and on a thin, quiet side road.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________It’s here when I start to think through my decisions of tonight. Why I chose to react to him like that, spitting abuse at him. “Arghhh, I can’t fucking deal with this anymore!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________I decide to turn back, I can’t deal with the constant thoughts of ‘what might he be doing right now?’ I turn my car round and make my way back, hoping I’m not too late. Hoping he hasn’t left yet. Hoping he’ll forgive me? Who am I kidding, he hates me know. I’ve truly messed it up._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________As I travel back, I start to work out what I might say to him, but none of it sounds right. Too heartfelt, too harsh or just too needy. And suddenly, I realise, I’ve arrived at my destination. I see something so horrific, I wish I’d never turned back. Beautiful Simon Snow, hugging that monster of a man. Augustus, I believe his name is. I feel betrayed. I feeling I am used to, but why am I getting this sensation here?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Then, I decide to do something drastic. I pull up right in front of the two of them, honking my horn obnoxiously loud, and jump out. I’m not sure what I’m doing, but I know if I stop now, then I’ll get straight back in my car and never see him again. I will never even be able to go to the cinema ever again, in fear of what memories it entails. As well as that, they’ve already seen me, so, I can’t pretend it never happen. No, I need to do this, and now._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Throughout my inner monologue, I realise they’ve already seen me and are staring. Snow looks surprised and Augustus has a look of contempt splashed across his face. I stand awkwardly and sway a little. I’m hoping that if I stare at Augustus for long enough, he’ll get the hint and piss off._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Unfortunately, he doesn’t. No, instead he starts walking towards me, all whilst growling “I don’t _really _care who you are, or what your name is, but what the fuck do you think you’re doing? You invited him to the cinema, picked on him for anything and everything then fucking leave because you got jealous. And now you’re here, wanting to do what, apologise? Well, I’d save it for another time and person. Simon doesn’t deserve you, just like I didn’t deserve him either. He is a fucking masterpiece and you’ve just ruined him. I’m not going to say anymore, you don’t warrant anything else.”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________I’m shocked. I’ve been spoken to like this before, but never before have I felt so intimidated. Augustus is a good four inches smaller than my Father as well. Why do I feel like this? I decided to ignore it and school my face back into its well-known canvas. “Yeah whatever, can you fucking leave now, I’m pretty sure you and Snow broke up, he doesn’t need you to stick up for him? Or did you not remember that? Maybe, you secretly want him back, but are too afraid to admit it.” _Why am I so mean, I don’t mean this, please just see through my mask!? _“Why don’t you allow me and Snow, to discuss this without help from his parental figure hmm?” I sneer at him, hoping he goes away.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Unluckily he doesn’t. I get ready to shout at him, but Simon does it for me. “Please just go away Auggie, I’ll text you later or something ok?” he finally gets the hint and leaves, but not before saying “See you later Si, call me if you need help.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Auggie and Si, what a sweet couple with their nicknames for each other. I give him the dirtiest look possible and sneer at his back as he walks off. I turn around ready to bitch about Augustus, when I see Simon glaring at me and I cringe externally. Suddenly, without my consent, my mouths blurts out “Hi, Snow, how are you?? Isn’t it a lovely night tonight? Well, it’s been great meeting both you and Augustus tonight, but I’ve just realised that it’s late and I just have to get home, so see you later!!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Right Baz, we need to plan our escape carefully here. Maybe I could tell him Augustus came back? So, he might turn around and I can make my escape? Or is that too obvious… I realise I have been standing here for a couple of seconds staring at his face, even when I said I would be leaving. I quickly snap out of my trance and put my plan into real time._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Just as I am about to casually walk off (read: run away) he grabs my arm and pull me back with an animalistic growl. I wince and try to pull away, but he just tightens his grip. “Where the _fuck _do you think you’re going? Don’t think I’m done with you yet.”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Shit. He’s so mad that his voice has gone really quiet and high-pitched, completely different to his mood. I think I’m going to die here on the spot, he’s so scary. I need to apologise. It’s the only way he’s ever going to forgive me for all I’ve done. I open my mouth to speak, but he cuts me off. “you’d better have a good explanation as to why you came back and ruined my evening. Again.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________I swallow hard. Come on, just tell him, don’t be you, be someone better._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________I take a deep breath ready to say something respectful and “Can I have your number?” comes out instead._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“What the hell?” Simons freezes in confusion._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“Is it a yes or a no?” I ask helplessly. “I thought we might be able to go to the cinema once again? You know, maybe give it another try?” I stare pathetically the ground not daring to look up. “You know, I am sorry Simon, I know I acted like a total dick, but you were my only experience with another human being that didn’t end badly, and when I first saw you, I wasn’t sure how t-“_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“Give me my comic back” he cuts me off._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________I almost say ‘What comic?’, but the I remember the sheet of paper stuffed into my pocket. The one I was too embarrassed to look at in front of him. The one that I know won’t have the chance to look at in the end. I sigh. He gave me his answer, it’s understandable. He doesn’t want to deal with me anymore. I pull the comic out and hand it to Simon._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________I thought he might have left immediately, never to be seen again, but instead he reaches for his backpack and pulls out a chewed stub of a pencil. Then quickly scribbles something on the back of the comic._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“Don’t make me sorry that I did that, ok?” He says, whilst handing me the comic. I turn it over and notice he wrote his number in the last speech bubble. I almost squeal at him, but catch myself and as casually as I can muster I say “I won’t.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________He grins at me, jumps on his board and rides away._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! A lot of food mentions here, please don't read if you are hungry!

My phone vibrates with a message and I pick it up almost immediately.

_“Can I see you again? Please say yes.”_

It’s not like I was staring at the damn thing all day long, waiting for something to pop up. _No,_ I am not that stupid _._ I knew that Baz had no intention in writing or calling me. I mean, the guy was obviously so insecure about everything. And he definitely hated me from the first sight, and then, let’s be honest, we only made everything worse.

 _But he did come back._ The tiny annoying voice squeaks inside my head, the voice I try so hard to ignore because that voice gives me hope and I hate that. _And he asked for your number._ Which obviously means nothing, because I haven’t heard from him since then. Well, until now.

I stand in the middle of my room looking startled at my phone. The message is sent from an unknown number. The blood rushes to my head while all my thoughts concentrate on one question. What if it’s him?

My phone vibrates once more and my heart drops down. _“Sorry I left you in France. It won’t happen again. I promise.”_

 _Fuck_ . It’s not Baz. I finally recognize the number, it’s my ex Augustus, and the tiny glimpse of hope dies inside of me. Not like it even was one. The phone irritably vibrates for the third time. It’s still Augustus. _“Can I come over sometime?”_

“Simon!” I hear Penny calling me from the kitchen and I gladly put the phone aside to step outside my room, immediately catching the divine smell with my nose.

“Ok, before you sink back into your depression, can we please have a dinner together?” Penny gives me and my sweatpants a disapproving look and points to the table. “I know you can’t say no to a Pad Thai.”

Of course I can’t. I decide that replying to Augustus can obviously wait till the better times, while I grab the box and chopsticks and crash on the couch. In some weird way asian food reminds me about Baz and I give out a long sigh. Which immediately triggers Penny to roll her eyes.

“Simon, stop it! If not for me, then for Pad Thai. This baby deserves better than your _breakdown_. And after all, nothing that terrible happened. I mean, you gave it a shot _and_ you watched a great movie, it’s not your fault that this guy turned out to be a complete moron.” She sits near me and gives my hand a friendly squeeze. “Like please, _please_ cheer up.”

I try, and it’s totally doable after I open the box and give the Pad Thai a couple of nice slurps. Yes, food does make you feel better. And never disappoints you, the way some people do. “I hope it’s not vegan.” I say to Penny and smile a bit.

“Of course it’s not.” She smiles back. “I would never do it to you.” We sink in a comfortable silence with mostly sounds of slurping and me moaning time to time at how good my Pad Thai is. And as my food comes to an end I remember about Augustus’s message. It’s easier to say ‘Yes’ now, after I met him that evening and all of a sudden, he wasn’t the one breaking my heart, but instead someone comforting me and giving me the shoulder to hold on to at the hard times.

“Hey,” I say in a few minutes, when my box is empty. “Can Augustus come over?”

Penny almost chokes on her food. “What? The dickhead Augustus? When did _that_ happen?”

“Well, I kinda ran into him that night. And he was, well… nice? And now he wants to come over. Is it ok?”

“No.” Penny says without hesitation and gives me a sharp look. “Simon, come on. Augustus is _never_ nice. He is like the opposite of nice.”

“You just hate him.”

“And I always will. He is the worst. Please don’t get back with him, just because you are heartbroken over the Ramen Guy.”

“Who said anything about getting back? I just wanted to, you know, catch up, ask him some questions about California.” Penny gives me a suspicious look. “I really don’t care about him anymore.” I continue with all conviction that I have.

“You can hang out with whoever you want. But better keep him away from me.” Penny rises her fist. “Or I will kick his skinny blonde ass.”

***

I meet Augustus a few days later. As I believed Penny’s intentions one hundred percent, I picked a place outside our apartment to prevent some major ass kicking. Also, when Augustus suggested to go to cinema I panicked as if going to cinema was my new phobia and almost cancelled the whole thing at the same moment. But then I put myself together and remembered a donut place nearby, which Penny usually forbids me to go alone, since apparently “I can't control myself”. Well at least now I can have my favourite Peanut Butter Chocolate donut without being heavily judged.

When I get in Augustus stands up and gives me the biggest hug, which lasts a little bit longer then I am comfortable with. Especially since I am in desperate need to go and check my baby donuts as soon as possible. Finally, Augustus lets me go and I rush to the counter making mental discussion with myself about how many of them can I have. Well, since it is a pretty stressful situation, I guess, three might be just a right amount.

“Hi! Can I help you?” the barista says as I am struggling to pick a flavour to start up with. “Can I recommend you our new specials?” I nod with amusement.

“It's vegan donuts!” the barista says proudly, but I probably startle visibly because he gives me a considered look. “Don't worry, they taste the same, you won't even notice the difference!”

“Believe me, I probably will.” I mumble, but already can't stop staring at a Hazelnut Caramel donut, which is apparently vegan, but who cares anyway, if it looks so freaking delicious. Baz might have made me cinema phobic for the rest of my life, but he can’t take my baby donuts away from me.

I make my way back with a full plate and some tea while Augustus gives me a smile. “I almost forgot what a sweet tooth you have! Some things never change!” I stay out of comments, just carefully take a bite and give out a satisfying moan. Augustus keeps talking, but mainly his voice is just a background as I keep dwelling in the sweet sensations all over my mouth. Unfortunately, the first donut ends too quickly and Augustus’s voice soon kicks in.

“I said, are you feeling better?” Augustus repeats and I shrug.

“I am ok. Why?” I take a sip of tea, trying to decide which donut I will have next, lemon or blueberry.

“Well, you seemed so stressed out that evening, when I ran into you. And you were with this weird guy, and then he left you, and then he came back. It was so strange. What is the matter? Did you fall for him or what?” I tense a bit, because it's still hard for me to talk about Baz, especially since today is the day I officially promised myself to stop checking my phone every five minutes. What’s the point, it's been five days and no message, no phone call, no nothing. So I just shrug in response, but apparently it’s very hard to make Augustus stop talking.

“I checked his YouTube channel and oh my god, he is pathetic! Vegan cooking videos? How have you even found him? I don't remember you being into cooking.”

“No, how have _you_ found him?” I ask suspiciously.

“Well, you shared his videos all over your timeline for the last few months. Are you seriously considering to start cooking? Please don’t do it, you are so terrible at this.”

I blush, remembering how obsessed with Baz I was. How I waited for his videos and how happy I was when something new came up. And my stupid dream to learn cooking, well it all seems so far away now.  

“Did you see his last video?” Augustus proceeds and I freeze with donut halfway to my mouth. No, of course I didn't see it, since have I not only unsubscribed his channel, but I couldn't even make myself visit YouTube through all of these days. And Augustus’s words were a painful reminder that apparently Baz’s life is going on mostly ok, that for him everything is the way it used to be, and he even managed to make a new video.

“No.” I say, trying to look as indifferent as possible.

“So pathetic, another cooking video. Ramen this time.” Augustus says and I startle. I remember how back in the cinema I asked Baz how to make Ramen and could it be… That he made that video _for me_?

I need to know. I need to know now. I almost grab my phone immediately, but stop myself by force of will. I can’t do it in front of Augustus. I need some quiet place.

“Sorry, I have to go. I just remembered that I have some urgent work to do.” I mumble and rush to the exit.

“Wait, Simon! You haven’t finished your donuts!” Augustus shouts to my back, but I am already out.

***

Thank God, my apartment isn't far. Ten minutes later I am finally sitting in front of my notebook. Totally not able to open it. What if I made everything up? What if this video doesn’t mean anything? I don’t wanna be this person back again, the one on the other side of the screen, who can only watch, but can never reach out and really talk back. I look around myself nervously and before opening Youtube, I take a short route to the kitchen to grab a cup of tea and some biscuits.

And only after that I finally go to Baz’s channel. Yes, there is a new video, posted few days ago, at least Augustus was not lying about it. I click “Play”, expecting Baz’s usual stylish cooking routine, but right from the start the video is different. There is Baz himself on the screen and my heart shrinks, because I didn’t see him for all these days, and I almost started forgetting how he looks like, and here he is looking straight into me and, oh my god, he is wearing glasses and everything inside me melts.

“Hi guys!” Baz waves his hand on my screen and it’s so weird to hear his voice on a camera after I heard him IRL. I chuckle a bit, remembering how he screamed at me for having a hotdog. “I have to confess, I always thought that it is ridiculous even to consider to make vegan Ramen. You know, I was one of those people...” Baz say and makes an uncertain gesture with his hand. “But recently I met someone who has not only asked me to do it, but more importantly made me realize, that things, you thought are impossible can actually happen. Like you can meet a friend in a most unexpected way and feel a connection even through all the differences. Anything is possible and this vegan Ramen is proof.”

Baz takes a pause and I remember that I have to start breathing eventually. “You will see a lot of additional comments in this video, because I wanted to make it as approachable for beginners as possible. Hope you will give this recipe a try.” Baz says and looks right at his camera. ”After all, I made it for you.” _Holy Fuck._ Right that moment I am positive he is definitely talking to me and no one else. The preface ends and the actual cooking begins, but I can’t concentrate.

_Baz made a fucking video for me._

I watch it till the end, then hit replay, and then replay one more time. I have to admit, that the whole cooking process in really very well explained and by the end of the third replay I am starting to think that I can really do it. I just have to. I quickly copy the list of ingredients to my phone, grab a backpack and stroll to the nearest supermarket.

If I am the one who made Baz believe that impossible things could happen, then I am the one who should try to believe it myself.

***

When Penny walks in a few hours later our kitchen looks like a battlefield. The food ingredients and empty packs are scattered all over the kitchen, but at least I am winning or so it seems, because the pan is on the stove and it gives out amazing flavour as I steer it religiously.

“Give me five minutes more!” I scream at Penny as she stands at the doorway eyes wide open.

“Simon Snow, are you cooking or am I hallucinating?”

“Just come in and grab some beer, ok?” I say from behind my back still unable to take my eyes from the pan. I take some broth with a spoon and give it a try. I still can't believe that it seems _eatable_.

In five minutes the timer beeps. I turn the stove off and then finally give myself a chance to relax. As I turn over Penny is holding her phone apparently filming me up. “Well, I just had to make this video for our descendants to witness.”

I chuckle and grab two bowl to pour the Ramen in. “Ok, are you ready?” Penny nods and I place a bowl in front of her.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, the moment we were anticipating for so long!” Penny announces to a camera before making a good slurp of her Ramen. She closes her eyes for a second and I freeze in anticipation. “Oh my god, Simon Snow, it's unbelievable! Come on give it a try yourself!” I blush in delight and pull my bowl closer. I taste the broth carefully, since it's still hot and then slurp a big portion of noodle. It’s not as good as it might be in restaurant, but still pretty fucking good.

“So, it’s vegan, hah?” Penny smirks a little bit and I nod in confusion. “Does this mean that you have seen Baz’s video?”

“Wait, have you seen it also?” I frown, thinking that apparently, the whole world has already seen it, except for me.

“Yes! don’t you remember how you made me subscribe to his channel? It was posted a few days ago. I even left a comment.” Penny says.

“You left a what?” I quickly grab my phone and scroll through the comments, there are quite a few and somewhere in the bottom I see the one, that Penny left.

It simply says _“He unsubscribed to you.”_

My face probably has some horrified expression, because Penny gives me a concerned look and squeezes my hand. “I just wanted to protect you.” She says quickly and then something in her eyes shifts. ”Simon, I am so stupid!” As I am still silent she carefully gazes into my eyes. “He did make this video for you, right?”

I nod, thinking about Penny’s comment and then say desperately “That's probably why he never wrote me anything.”

Penny puts her hand over her mouth and her eyes are wide and frightened. Finally she manages to squeeze out “Simon, I’m so sorry. Baz made you this video and after my comment he probably decided that you don't like him… And you do like him and it's all so horrible now. Please, please forgive me.”

“It's not your fault.” I shake my head.

“We can fix that.” Penny says. “After all I own this guy for my Ramen.”

“I own him too.” I say. “And I know what to do.”

First of all, I hit the subscribe button back again. Then I hesitate for a few moments over the comment box before typing the message.

_“I did give it a try! I made Ramen and it’s awesome. Just like you are. Please call me. Simon.”_

I stare at my own words and then hit “Send” and as my comment appears on a page I desperately hope that Baz will see it. And that he didn’t throw my number away, and that he still hopefully  remembers what my name is.

“Simon, you are a genius.” Penny says with excitement from behind my back.

“Do you think it will work?” I ask doubtfully, but she just squeezes my shoulder.

“The guy made a whole video for you! Of course it will work.” Penny hugs me from behind “How about another round of Ramen?” She says and as I nod she grabs the bowls I feel my panic slowly disappear replaced with something painfully similar to hope.

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I promise next chapter will be the last one. Just wanted to see our boys happy for a while. I hope you will enjoy this one!

I run around our couch holding my ringing phone as if I have to throw it away this very moment or otherwise it would explode right in my fucking hands.

“Penny, it’s him! It’s Baz! I _know_ it!”

Penny looks at me as if I am completely nuts. “And? Will you pick it up?”

“I _can’t_! I don’t know what to say!” I shout in despair.

“Do you want _me_ to pick it up?” Penny rolls her eyes.

“No! Just be my brain! Help me out! You are the smart one!” The phone keeps ringing with the intro from my favourite anime series and I can see that Penny reaches the end of her patience, as she plugs her ears with both of her hands, sending me a killing look. “Just pick it up already!” She shouts.

“Alright, alright!” I finally press “Answer” and take a deep breath.

“Hello?” I don’t know why but it comes out with a questioning intonation. There is a few seconds delay on the other end and finally I hear Baz’s voice.

“Hi, it's Baz.” His voice sounds a little unsure, but from the first moment I hear it, an uncontrolled smile starts to spread all over my face.

“Oh, hi! Thank you for calling me! And thank you for your video! I made Ramen and it was eatable! We just ate the second round. And Penny liked it. And I am sorry that I saw your video just today, because I unsubscribed to your channel, but I subscribed back!” The thing that happens to me a lot, is that I start talking too bloody much when I am nervous. I take a gulp of air while my inner voice says to me that I should shut up _immediately_. Otherwise I will be dangerously close to fucking up the whole thing before it even begins.

“Oh, thank you. I am glad you liked it.” Baz’s voice sounds strangely warm and a bit embarrassed. “And Penny, is she…?”

“She’s my neighbour.” I say quickly. “My best friend. She says hi.” Penny raises her eyebrow “No, I _don’t_.”

“I heard that.” Baz says.

“Ha, just a half an hour ago she totally begged for another round of Ramen, which never would be possible without you. So, we both owe you a big time. No, really, you don’t know how I am in a kitchen, it’s a miracle that I haven’t burn everything yet.”

“I am sure it’s not true.” Baz says gracefully while I keep running around our kitchen in circles, automatically picking up random objects, and finally ending up holding a spoon in my hand, nervously rubbing it with my fingers.

“So… Are you planning on doing the second part? Can you make a whole series for beginners? Because this one was amazing! You know, there are a lot more things I would like to learn how to cook.”

“Like what?” Baz asks curiously and I run through the endless list of my favourite food in my head.

“Well, how about Curry?” I say finally. “Is there a vegan version you could make for your video?”

“ _Of course,_ there is a vegan version for everything. But I have a better idea.” Baz makes a pause before shooting out. “Do you want to come over and I will teach you how to make vegan Curry in person?”

I startle and drop the spoon on the floor. _Holy crap, Baz just invited me over._

“Simon?” Baz’s voice sounds a bit tense. “I get it if it’s too much, after the way I behaved I will understand if you –”

“No! I will! I will come over. How about tomorrow?” I hear Baz give a relieved sigh on the other end and I can’t help myself, but start to smiling.

“Tomorrow is fine.” The silence falls for few seconds, when Baz finally says “Thank you for your comic. I liked it very much. You are very good at drawing.”

“What? No, I am not.” I say blushing.

“Yes, you are. Like freaking talented. I would like to see something else from your stuff. If you are comfortable with showing your drawings to me, of course.”

I feel my throat tighten, because dealing with a nice and likeable version of Baz is fucking breath-taking. “Hey, don’t be so kind, it’s frightening.”

I hear Baz chuckle a bit and I am dying to be near him right now to see if he is smiling.

“Don’t worry, I won’t. I will probably dramatically shout at you, if you will chop a single vegetable in the wrong way. I am deadly serious. I am such a control freak in the kitchen.”

“I can’t wait to see that.”

The embarrassed silence falls after that, then finally Baz clears his throat “I will text you my address later than.”

“Should I bring something over?” I say quickly just to keep conversation going, because, honesty, I am not ready to hang up just yet. “I can bring some hot-dogs” I say teasingly.

“ _Snow_.” Baz growls. “Please shut up or else you will see me not nice much too _soon_. Also, how about you better bring us some popcorn and we’ll watch a movie afterwards.” My heart melts because that’s literally the best thing anyone had ever told me, and then it melts some more, when Baz adds. “I heard ‘Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them’ is quite good.”

“And I heard that other films of Godard are quite good also.”

“Well, not everything should be the way you want it, Snow.” Baz says. “Though I do agree, it would be nice to watch both.”

“Yeah, but there is one condition. You should eat popcorn while watching Godard. Proved by me that they go perfect together.” I wonder for a second that I went too far, but Baz just chuckles again, which _again_ sends my heart racing faster.

“Ok, then. See you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow.” I hang up feeling a huge freaking smile spreading all over my face.

“Aw, now that was _cute_.” Penny says and I evacuate to my room trying to avoid her teasing smile.

I take out my pad and make a quick sketch of the picture I had in my mind for a while since we went to the cinema with Baz. It's the one of him standing in the hall, holding my popcorn and cola, while waiting for me to come back. The first time that I really saw him as a real person, not somebody far away on the other side of my screen. Even my friend maybe? Boyfriend? _In your dreams, Simon._

After making a rough sketch, I add some details and soon I am lost in my drawing completely. I wonder if Baz will like this one. When my phone vibrates it totally catches me out of guard. It's a message from Baz with his address and a small _“Hope you haven't change your mind yet.”_ Yeah, like I can change my mind if my hottest internet crush invites me over. Like if it's even an option.

After re-reading the message a few times, I check the address and surprisingly it's not some posh neighbourhood. _“Wow, you live not that far from me. And no, I never change my mind when it comes to Curry.”_ I type back and it feels so good to know that I have Baz’s number and can just casually text him wherever I want. I check my message once more, to see if it's casual enough. Since Baz doesn't answer right away I start to feel nervous. Five minutes later I decide to overuse my just gained superpower and text him second time in the row. _“Do you need some help in picking up products?”_

This time the phone vibrates back almost immediately. _“If that means that I can come and pick you up and you won't skate all the way down to my house, then yes.”_ I smile and blush. Somehow the thought of being in a car alone with Baz makes my blood rush a bit. _Stop being a creep._

_“You know you will get along with Barney eventually.”_

_“Who’s Barney? Please don't tell me that you have a name for your skateboard.”_

_“Well, he has a perfect soul and he deserves a name and he is my best friend and you should get to know him better.”_

_“Ok, bye.”_

_“Hope you haven't change your mind yet.”_ I text back quickly copying Baz’s first text.

 _“I never change my mind when it comes to Curry.”_ I read his reply and once again the smile spreads over my face.

 

***

 

The next day I am standing in the middle of my room trying to pick up an outfit for my cooking lesson with Baz, being moody as hell. I stare helplessly at two of my favourite t-shirts. First says “Property of my boyfriend” on the chest, and I honestly think that it is hilarious, but probably not the best choice as for now. The second has a  gorgeous gradient which goes from pink to orange in one colourful wave and I am thinking about pairing it with my favourite green skinny jeans, but just can’t make myself actually put it on. _What if Baz hates it._ What if he hates anything I wear or anything I say. Because he sure will.

“Oh, really.” Penny looks at my orange-pink t-shirt with a smile when I step into the kitchen and _yes_ , I did put in on. Despite everything. “This is what you’ve picked for your date with Baz.”

“First of all, it’s not a date. And also, this t-shirt is gorgeous.” I look down avoiding Penny’s eyes. “You know, the sooner he’s reminded about who I really am the better. Even if that means that he would kick me out after the first five seconds he sees me.”

“Oh, Simon. You know who you are. You are a cute boy in an adorable t-shirt. And Baz will only kick you out if you will burn his precious Curry or something.” Penny makes a pause. “And, yes, it is a date.”

 _It's not a date._ I repeat to myself as I go out and then I see Baz’s car pulling over and then he steps outside and he is wearing a fucking black shirt and fucking black skinny jeans and he is so hot and that very moment I not so sure about whole not-a-date-thing. Baz gives me a button-up look and as I stare at his perfectly matched outfit I think to myself _“oh fuck.”_

 _“_ Hi!” I squeeze out, but instead of giving a hand just awkwardly shake it in the air. Of course, Baz doesn't wave back, just raises his eyebrow.

“Are you ready to go?” He says, but I just stare at his car, it still looks the same way, stylish, shiny, black, expensive. And still scares the hell out of me.

“You know you have to get in eventually?” Baz says and slides in on a driver’s sit. “Come on, Simon.” He opens a door and looks at me from the inside. _Simon._ Hearing Baz saying my name gives my body a warm wave and puts me on ease a little bit.

“Let's give your car a name.” I suggest.

“ _No_. I know it’s apparently your thing. But I won't give it a name just to make you more comfortable of getting in.”

“Gaston?” I suggest the first name that pops up in my head.

“What? No, oh my God no. My car will never be named that. Please stop talking.” I chuckle and finally get into the car, dipping inside to find the most gorgeous seat ever.

“I like your t-shirt.” Baz says casually as he starts the car.

“You mean, like ‘like’ it?” I make the air quotes with both of my hands.

“Please don't make air quotes. Ever. And no, I really like it, it's a very Simon’s way. And I …” Baz suddenly interrupts himself and stares at the road in front of him. And I enjoy him saying my name once again.

“And you what?” I ask.

“And I… I kind of missed the Simon way.” He says still not looking at me. I open my mouth to say something witty in replay, but shut it, failing miserably with the mission. I end up staring out the window helplessly. _Did he really just tell me that he missed me?_

The silent becomes almost awkward, but luckily, it's not a long drive to the supermarket. Soon we get out from the car and Baz pulls out a few tote bags. A _bunch_.

“How many groceries do we actually need?” I give Baz a puzzled glare.

“Well, let me check. I have a list.” _Of course, he has a list._ I roll my eyes and take some bags. We enter the supermarket and start to walk through.

My secret is that I _love_ supermarkets. A lot. Everything is so colourful and the rows of products always remind me of some Andy Warhol picture. So basically, it's like a perfect date. _Oops, have just called it a date?_

As I go I follow the usual Simon buying routine which means that I casually grab anything that looks pretty and throw it into my cart, while Baz carefully goes through his list giving me angry looks time to time.

“Stop that!” He strains through his teeth when I grab a huge pack of Oreos. “We have a list!”

“You have a list! You don't even let me look at it!”

“That's because there is a hard to explain system behind it! And besides you are responsible for popcorn and as far as I can see there is none in your cart!”

“You can make me responsible for more things, you know.”

Baz frowns and goes through his list one more time.

“Ok, you can take care of paper towels and napkins and candles.” _Wait a minute._

“ _Candles?_ ” I stop and stare at Baz in surprise. He gulps and stare back at me helplessly. And for the first time ever I see him out of words and probably even embarrassed a bit.

“We are going to have dinner, ok? Of course we need candles, we are not _animals_ .” He says finally and I make a strange noise in attempt to suppress laughter coming out of me. Baz pretends that nothing has happened, but he turns around suspiciously and too quickly. He bends down to pick something up from the bottom shelf. The laughter leaves me in a second as I catch myself staring at his ass. At his gorgeous black skinny jeans ass. _Oh, no, Simon you haven’t just done that._

It’s my turn to hide my blushing face when Baz bends up and gives me a suspicious look. I quickly turn around the nearest shelf. “Oh, look there is some curry paste!” I shout out reaching for the can the same moment as Baz does.

Suddenly my fingers cross over his and feeling sends the electricity all over my body. Baz snaps his hand back almost immediately and I give him a surprised look which he frowns at. But then some sparkles run through his eyes and he slowly puts his hand back. Just over mine and I shudder under his touch he gives me a teasing smile.

“Do we need curry paste?” I ask with a suddenly dry throat, and continuing to feel his fingertips touch mine.

“Yes.” Baz says with a lazy grin and before he lets go of my hand I feel his thumb slightly rubbing my palm which sends my heart to a crazy bit. _Fuck, what just happened._

Is this some kind of a game? In that case, I won’t be the one to lose. So, when Baz reaches out for a can of a coconut milk I take a few steps forward pressing slightly to his back and let my hand slide over his shoulder, touching his elbow and wrist as I grab a can just near the one he is holding.

“How about this one?” I whisper right into his ear and feel how his body shivers next to mine. For a brief moment, he tenses under my touch, but then he slowly relaxes and for a long second there is only the feeling of his warmth next to me and as the moment lasts I feel that it's me who is getting hotter and hotter, till I jump back, obviously failing at whatever seduction game I was trying to play.

“Yes, you are right. This one is better.” Baz says, grabbing the can, without even looking at it. I give out a long breath and Baz grins at me one more time.

“What's wrong, Snow?”

“Nothing.” I mumble under my feet. “I will just go get some popcorn.”


	9. Chapter 9

“I said, _round_ slices.” Baz growls standing right behind me, holding my hand with his, while trying to show me how to slice correctly. And as hard as I am trying to concentrate, I am painfully aware that it’s not only his hand touching mine, but his chest is pressed over my back and I don’t even wanna guess what is touching me lower. Or on contrary, I am thinking about _that_ too bloody much.

“Ok, I get it.” I mumble and as Baz steps away, I am _really_ trying to do my best. Round slices. Carrot. I can do that. _Concentrate._ I look across the table where Baz starts to chop onions. It’s such a bad idea to have a sharp knife in your hand and be totally distracted by your hot crush. The worst thing is that he rolled his sleeves up, just over his elbows and I can see how his muscles are moving. _Oh God._

I startle when Baz gives me a quick stare back, but he only checks my carrot slices once again.

“Good, it’s much better.” He says and I look at the result of my chopping suspiciously. Baz is obviously flattering me, compared to his perfectly chopped onion, my carrot is a total mess.

“No, it's not.” I reach for the bell pepper, convincing myself that this time I will do much better. But while I am chopping, my mind still wanders somewhere dangerously close of thinking over and over about how Baz’s body felt next to mine. I give him a quick look once again, this time totally checking out what his mouth looks like. _Simon, why are you doing this to yourself._

“When the vegetables are ready we can proceed to the Curry itself.” Baz says in his cute teaching voice and puts Curry paste and coconut milk can near the stove. Soon the kitchen is full of that wonderful indian spice smell. While Baz in religiously stirring vegetables, I try to make my mind shut up about all the dirty things I want to do to him. Right here, near the stove.

“I hope you are hungry.” Baz says.

“Well, I am.” _And not only in that way._

 _Can someone look any hotter while stirring fucking vegetables?_ I make another mental picture, Baz wearing apron, making Curry for me. Please God, let this image stay in my mind forever.

“It’s done. Now it needs some time to cool down.” Finally, Baz turns off the stove. _I need some time to cool down._

“Does it mean that we have some time to ourselves?” I am surprised with myself when I hear my voice. It sounds low and weird. And the phrase itself is weird. _Good for you, Simon, Master of Seduction._

“ _Yes._ ” Baz gives me a grin that draws my attention back to his mouth. As if I am already not fucking able to think about anything else.

“Come on, let's take it off.” Baz takes a few steps towards me and I have a startled thought that he is talking about my T-shirt, or God forbid _pants_. But he just unties the apron. I feel his touch over my neck and then his hands slowly slide down till he unties the second knot over my lower back. The apron falls down, but his hands remain.

“Simon...” He starts, but I already stop him with a kiss. Surprised once again how demanding my mouth can be. Baz opens his mouth slightly and when my tongue slides in, I feel like I’m in heaven. A hot, wet haven.

“Is it ok?” I make myself pull away a little bit.

“Your chopping? No, it’s terrible.” Baz says and I smile.

“I mean _this_. Me kissing you.”

Baz smirks. “Since it's something I’ve been fantasizing for the last few days. Yeah, Snow, that’s ok.”

“You fantasized about _me_?”

“You. Me. Here in my kitchen.”

“Oh, wow. Do your fantasies always involve cooking?” I ask teasingly and this time, it's Baz who gives me a smile.

“Cooking.” He pulls closer to my ear and I feel his mouth on my neck. “And you.”

I shudder as his warm breath goes along my neck to my collarbone. And then he licks all the way up to my ear.

“What's wrong Snow? Are you shy all of the sudden?” But I just find his warm mouth and kiss him again. I hear myself moan as Baz’s tongue slides back into my mouth and his hands squeeze my ass pulling me closer.

“It's not fair. It me who should be all over your gorgeous ass.” Baz raises his eyebrow and as I open my mouth to explain he rubs his thumb over my lower lip. His eyes are grey, but it’s a hot grey, the one that sets my heart on fire. I suck his finger, licking it.

“Simon, stop. Seriously. _Oh_.” His face tenses and it is great to know that I have such a control over him. Finally. His hand pulls through my hair and he draws me closer for another kiss. And as my mind goes blank, only my heart keeps pounding.

A few more hot kisses from Baz and I am standing with a huge boner, realizing that I am dangerously close to dragging him into his bed this very moment. _Oh great, Simon, you came over for a cooking lesson with your internet crush and end up fucking him._ And potentially fucking everything up. Because you are _that_ easy.

“Wait.” Suddenly Baz pulls away. “Should we take it slow? Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't want to.” He slides his hand through my hair. “Fuck, Simon, you are so hot. But is it ok, if we stop as for now?” Baz looks down flushed and embarrassed.

 _Holy shit, has he just read my mind?_ “You are hot too.” I squeeze his hand. “And, yes, I am absolutely ok with that.” I see how Baz relaxes. As much as I want to get back on his mouth, I am relieved that we are on the same page with taking it slow.

“How about some Curry?” I nod in direction of dinner table.

We settle down and finally give the Curry a try. This time I moan for a totally different reason. Because of how fucking tasty it is.

“Snow, stop making this sounds and eat like a civilized person.” Baz says, but despite his words there is a grin all over his face. “If you will keep moaning like that I will get jealous over the fucking _food_.”

I am almost getting used to how easy he might smile. “I like it.” I say before thinking.

“You like what?"

 _How the smile looks on you._ I almost say it out loud. “I like this Curry.” I say quickly instead.

“Really? Does it mean that you will keep coming over if I keep cooking it?”

“Well, it depends.” I bend over the table and give him a kiss. Hoping we both taste like Curry and that it won't be gross. But then I wish that it would be just a little bit. Because otherwise it's all too perfect.

Baz pulls away, and I freak out that maybe I am gross for real.

“What’s wrong?” I ask carefully, while Baz avoids even looking at me.

 _“_ Simon, I treated you so shittily. I am so sorry _.”_ He says painfully. “I don't deserve you. I don't deserve all of these.”

And that moment I totally want to bear hug him and then kiss him, and then bear hug him again.

“You mean you don’t deserve a gross boyfriend in ugly t-shirt, who is terrible at cooking?” I mentally punch myself and then blush all over, understanding that I’ve just called myself _his boyfriend._  “Sorry, I didn't mean all the boyfriend stuff.” I correct myself helplessly. But Baz just stares back.

“I… Just let me make you popcorn and we can maybe pretend that I can be someone who actually _deserves_ to be your boyfriend.”

My heart drops. And I think that I am glad that he finally can let himself be the real one in front of me. Be nice and challenging and complicated. And that I like him, like him a lot. Not only the perfect mysterious Baz on the other side of my screen, but this one, who I can cuddle later, while we’re watching movies.

I think that he is perfect. That this moment is perfect. And, well, let’s be honest, popcorn can only make everything _better_.

 

THE END.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys! Your are awesome! Thank you so much for reading all this and for leaving kudos and for commenting. It all means the world. You are the best!  
> Also thanks to Apieceofpaper for being _the_ best co-author ever. And for explaining to me the difference between ‘the’ and ‘a’ articles over and over again. (I know, I am stupid)  
>  Also I will use this moment to shamelessly promote my newly reanimated twitter account, which I will use for all “Carry On” related content and for me whining about writing another fic, etc. Please reach me [@ana2rama](https://twitter.com/ana2rama) and I hope to see you all soon with a new story!


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